Comments on: Your Heavy Body http://www.haggardandhalloo.com/2007/04/08/one-day-youll-be-what-you-pretend-to-be/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=one-day-youll-be-what-you-pretend-to-be Publishing Creative and Contemporary Writing Tue, 07 Sep 2010 16:57:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Editor http://www.haggardandhalloo.com/2007/04/08/one-day-youll-be-what-you-pretend-to-be/comment-page-1/#comment-45 Editor Tue, 10 Apr 2007 21:14:06 +0000 http://www.haggardandhalloo.com/2007/04/08/one-day-youll-be-what-you-pretend-to-be/#comment-45 i like the honesty in the voice here. while its not that prolific or enlightening it has a reality to it that is easy to digest. i like the honesty in the voice here. while its not that prolific or enlightening it has a reality to it that is easy to digest.

]]> By: fogman http://www.haggardandhalloo.com/2007/04/08/one-day-youll-be-what-you-pretend-to-be/comment-page-1/#comment-43 fogman Mon, 09 Apr 2007 18:06:17 +0000 http://www.haggardandhalloo.com/2007/04/08/one-day-youll-be-what-you-pretend-to-be/#comment-43 I’ve been warned about morning breath but kissed you anyway I’ve been told how skinny you are but still my arm has fallen asleep underneath the weight of your heavy body I think you need to bring this into the present tense - "kiss" instead of "kissed", "falls" instead of "has fallen" - to match the rest of the poem. But otherwise? Pretty good stuff. I’ve been warned about
morning breath
but kissed you anyway
I’ve been told how skinny you are
but still
my arm has fallen asleep
underneath the weight
of your heavy body

I think you need to bring this into the present tense – “kiss” instead of “kissed”, “falls” instead of “has fallen” – to match the rest of the poem. But otherwise? Pretty good stuff.

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