Sex with a Unicorn

Guest Writers


Sex with a Unicorn
by john bennett

I had
sex with a
unicorn.
There was
very little
foreplay
much trembling
& a
long series of
moans that
sounded
nothing like
a horse.

I suppose
you’re
wondering about
the horn,
did it
come into
play.

Yes.

You’re probably
not thinking
well of me
right now,
but sex
with a
mythological
creature
is not a
bad thing.
Since that
one chance
encounter
I’ve been a
better father &
my wife says
a much better
lover.

Yes, I told her.

“Is this
some sort of
metaphor?”
she said.

“No,”
I said.

“You’re serious!”
she said.

“Yes,”
I said.

“Too much,”
she said,
& began
slowly
undressing.

5 thoughts on “Sex with a Unicorn

  1. ha! this is a great piece. well-written, and like quasimofo, i’m sure i’ll be laughing tomorrow as well. i did not catch the “but sex” on the first go either. that’s friggin’ hilarious. well done, mr. bennett.

  2. I know what you mean Shawn. The chopped up thing has to be very conscious of its own rhythm to affect me without distracting me. It worked for me here.

    This style is like Joe Cloyd’s last piece, both of which make me feel like I’m reading elongated lines of words, (as in like a book) but with specific combinations of words grouped together somehow to show me how the rhythm is meant to be followed, alleviating the perceived choppiness.

    Also, the grouping of words in the case of this piece can add word-play you might have a harder time executing in a poem with longer lines (consider lines 14-20 in relation to line 26) Funny stuff. I caught that on my second read, not even sure if it was intentional, but that’s real clever if it was.

  3. This is just hilarious. Isn’t it interesting how wives “slowly” undress? I wonder if this was conscious word choice by the author. It seems like, given your unicorn rebirth, she would be jumping out of her clothes and onto your rigid horn. No matter. This is great entertainment, like reading a Christopher Moore chapter condensed and jumbled up into a poem. I always wonder, when narratives are broken up like this, how the author deliberates when to start and end the little choppy lines. I guess I’m curious ’cause when I write poetry, a lot of ttime goes into that process, and it seems like so many people can just machete-chop a narrative without discretion. In cases like this piece, it works, and the flow is preserved. This is not the case for all poems done in this way, and when I read those chopped liver poems I feel like I have a stutter or Tourettic tic I have to work through:

    He said
    she would go
    to the bar with
    him
    holding a
    oreo cookie for
    defense

    You know? What’s up with that kind of flow?

    Thanks for the laughs. Great stuff, Mr. Author.

    And, Robocop on a unicorn is my new inspirational image for the year.

  4. i was laughing my ass off with this one–i still will be tomorrow. It’s ludicrous and hillarious and original. It flows so good and is very conversational/easy to read. i really got a kick out of your sense of humor. Thanks for sharing! Great pic too!

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