THE GOD EMAILS
by jeff shepard
stop sending me those goddamed god emails.
you are old,
you are going to die soon,
you are afraid.
i am old,
i am going to die soon,
i am not afraid.
send me funny emails,
send me cute little animal emails,
send me emails about anything else,
but for christ’s sake,
stop sending me those goddamed god emails,
mother.
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this is dank as fuck.
ftw.
Short, sweet, and to the point! “stop sending me those goddamed god emails” at beginning and end nice touch! Really drives point home! Mother is a tough old bat!
Not too long ago i read a chain e-mail. i didn’t realize it was one in the beginning. The main body was actually pretty deep and truthful stuff and then it got to the end and said e-mail this to five people and something miraculous will happen at 10:30 a.m. tomorrow. I was like, ‘what a croc of shit!’ about the last part but then i was like ‘what the hell’.
So i e-mail it to 5 people. One of them is Halifax who replies: “Don’t send chain-mails; i thought i was your friend.” …and i’m like ‘oh shit’–this really is a personal thing like getting relatives to join Amway or something. So i wait till 10:30 the next day just to be able to bitch cause i knew nothing was gonna happen. Nothing happens. But in the afternoon i get a mailservicedeliveryerror.blahblah. Turns out that one of the 5 people had changed their e-mail and it was no longer functional. What if?!? What if?!?
“goddamed”? and where’s the prohibition on chain mail? frankly, I think she should stop with the cute little animal ones too. I like the way this poem holds back the identity of the offender til the end. it makes a so-so rant just a little bit better.
Right on.