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Maria’s of the Sea
Submitted by Halifax on May 19, 2010 – 2:46 pm5 Comments
Maria’s of the Sea
by halifax
Mark 6:47
that day out past the reef
His friends all went ahead
dragging fishnets behind
She’s usually a sober girl
but this day she is tossed
furiously deep in her cup
flashing her tits at them
to provoke some jealousy
but none would cross him
Denied even a hint of concern
she started to rock the boat
squalling like a spoiled baby
He walked out on her show
unimpressed footprints left
Maria snaps spite at his bud
sends Peter tumbling below deck
He’s so cool though, helps him up
and goes right back to fishing.
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“squalling like a tarred gull” was what I was thinking, ha, but you’re being too hard on yourself anyway, Halifax. the visuals struck me distinctly. It’s good.
an obvious temptress threat
oh piffle…
maybe. I’d rather take more time on it. I hope someone gets the pieces I had in place and appreciates it. Consider it still in progress.
Hmm… it’s hard to say when the word before it is “like”. I always try to stay away from similes. Many believe similes don’t belong in poetry, but you find them everywhere in poetry. So who knows.
“squalling like the ghost of a seagull”?
I got to remember to keep my drafts listed as drafts. Spoiled Baby doesn’t work for me. I was looking to get a better line in there. Suggestions?
I’m digging beach week. Thanks to everyone for the awesome work so far. It’s gearing me up for my trip to tar ball shores in 9 days. More to come.