cool yellow blanket
Submitted by Haggard & Halloo on August 23, 2010 – 12:51 pm2 Comments
cool yellow blanket
by josiah redtalon
we have the coolest yellow blankets
and it was flying thru the air like
a fuck juice bullet
within the ship lies the controls to the shield
the swirl commences
the light was barely noticeable
diffused and crazy
i move space through the door
opening the cycle to high mirages
warping the form of the empty sky
no restrictions
vortexes of bad will
the fuel is ironically slim
orders were to divert the melted path
waking up disoriented
tremendously disoriented
by my mental escape
wires pulled me free
glowing in the essence of resisted aura
THE INTENSITY OF THE SHIELD BROKE OFF INTO THE VEINS
my brain had been blasted spun frozen
unconscious
©
This is some very creative speculative poetry. I love how you engage by challenging the reader to decipher what’s going on. I have this picture in my head of a captain or engineer trying to consciously retell what happened to them after encountering something dangerous and unexpected. I perceived this character would have originally been a stern professional and not a loony sounding madman, which, through his/her transition, reveals the dark effect of what was encountered. I didn’t really want those last two lines. I thought they were too conscious and blunt, but still liked this a lot.
My favorite kind of dark narratives tell a story without directly addressing what makes them dark. Rather, whatever the darkness is lingers in the reader’s periphery. You pull this off here by making the reader think these are just the ravings of somebody on too much laughing gas, when what’s scary is how the narrator is struggling to explain what happened.
Ha. I have no idea what this one is about. All I know is that you had me at “fuck juice bullet”.