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A Sensuous Moment
Submitted by JRAlonso
on January 28, 2012 – 7:58 am
27 Comments
A Sensuous Moment
by JR Alonso
From behind the counter, she asked me if I wanted a sample. It took me five seconds to realize she meant the hot pocket sandwich she had just baked. I took the bite-sized morsel of sourdough bread stuffed with ham and provolone cheese. As I chewed it, I looked her over and devoured her honey-spun blonde hair, caramel-colored eyes, creamy complexion, and her slender body. I said it was delicious. She blushed. I ordered a cafe con leche. She told me to come back soon. I didn’t. It would have ruined that moment. It was the most sensuous meal I have ever had.
Masterfully rendered! Loved the dual meaning–funny yet wrapped up in ‘life-truth’ at the end. Moments can be preserved in memory–or they can be ‘ruined’, as you say. good one!
Thank you!
Nicely done. I think flash fiction is particularly suited to capturing this kind of moment; it happens in a moment but you remember it for a long time. Kinda like your story. Right on!
Thank you. Flash Fiction forces the writer to get to the point as quickly as possible. I agree. This type of story writing is great for capturing a moment and filling it with impact.
JR:That was excellent
“In der Kürze liegt die Würze”=”Brevity is the soul of wit”
It is also a most challenging way to write.
Very enjoyable and thought provoking & as I’m English that’s a real compliment.
I’d have gone back,taken some shellfish and ruined the moment.
Good Man.
Hey, great descriptive work. Honey-spun hair will do it every time! (SS)
Thank you! It sure does.
Thank you, sir!
What a provocative piece! You were right not to go back and ruin this great moment.
Thank you, but it was fiction. : )
A perfect prose haiku, JR. This leaves me wanting to try one of her hot pockets, too.
Thank you.
Mmmm….delicious! I love the contrast of salty and sweet!
Thank you for pointing out the contrast. In all honesty, I did it subconsciously.
Yes! Sensuous! Like a min-novel! Does leche derrive from lecher?}
good read/good to see it here!!!!
eek! typo…deRive!
I’m not sure if if does. Leche means milk. Thank you for commenting.
interesting association though…
True.
Pitch perfect!
Shows clear mastery in flash fiction.
Thank you for the wonderful comment.
I am with KS. This packed it all into one short burst of language so rich that I did not look for any more. It was all complete. Kudos!
Flash Fiction is a hard style to write. Thank you for the kind words.
This was so good. To pack that much punch into so few words requires quite the skill. Congrats my friend!
Thank you, my friend.