La Maison Solitaire

La Maison Solitaire
by chris walker
you don’t have to lie
to keep me alive
but if you would
bring me
lemon sherbet
and i’ll eat it
before the afterglow
is over
before your next smoke
and then we’ll lie
on dirty, discarded mattresses
(sex only as an afterthought)
sweating more
than we probably should
annihilation through anonymous flesh
i won’t tell you
how all my favorite books
are ruined
because
water beats paper
makes wrinkles
ruins pages
and all the best ones
are tearmarked
instead i’ll ask (beg)
you to stay
let me call you honey
a little while longer
before your hairdye runs out
and your patience runs out
and my money runs out
and the illusion runs out
and you walk out that door
a phantom
of the first time
leaving me to collect
the nothing that’s left
and to wonder
always to wonder
can you ever get back
what you never had
to begin with?