rocky vs. the american dream vs. nasa

rocky vs. the american dream vs. nasa
(for paulie’s eyes only!)
By Shon.25
i got a pretty good idea for the next rocky movie–
so rock is like eighty years old, right?
and he’s in this bar
and he’s telling everyone about how he
“gave it to” adrian the night before
and he’s pumping his fist to emphasize it
how he gave it too her, ooo, yea, like that
jabbing with his fist
quick little upturned jabs
uhhh, uhhh
pumping his arm
and he starts laughing real hard,
he’s kinda loopy, punch drunk and senile,
snorting and laughing about how he gave it to her..
even the old crack whores look kind of offended..
and he starts coughing and hacking a bit
and he thinks he’s just choking a little
but then a chunk of puke comes up on his lip
dribbles down his chin
and he tries to play it off
you know, like a champ
but
he’s such a spectacle
and people are like
“yea, rock, give it to her for me!”
as he tries to slip out
into the alley without
getting noticed
that’s when
the big russian guy from the fourth movie
comes outta nowhere and slams him
gets in a couple square kicks
and just wails into him
literally
beating the crap out of him
because he’s like, eighty, right?
so there’s this deep chuckle coming from the shadows
and it’s mister t
and he’s surrounded by children in gold chains
texting threats on their cell phones
and he’s like
“someday this will be my gang bi-otch”
and one of the kids says
“i pity the fool!”
and mister t backhands him
because that’s HIS line
and rocky’s like
“micky– cut me! dot it! cut me micky!”
because he’s seeing things and shit
and just when it looks
like the champs going down for good
the space shuttle crashes into the city!
smack into the world’s largest american flag factory
which of course goes up in flames like
kindling and pipe dreams..
and people are yelling, all chaotic,
and buildings start falling for no reason..
disbelief no longer suspends them..
but its not over
turns out the governments been
doing some crazy shit up there
experimenting with new generic brand space genetics..
cross sampling breakfast cereals, sometimes mixing three or four..
and suddenly
rocky’s flaming corpse gets reanimated by this
glowing shit oozing out of everything
and he’s like “yooooooo..”
real slow and creepy like
i mean, even slower and creepier than usual
he’s creaky now
sounds like a rocking chair when he moves
and he goes for a jog up the philadelphia library steps
because he’s gotta milk it one last time, you know,
and make sure his statues still there
but surprise
fucken apollo creed’s been reanimated too!
and he’s all charming and shit.
he’s one of those fast zombies
that can still jump rope
and dance if they need to
and his afro looks surprisingly good
everyone says so
the end
oh, and of course they fight,
amen