you're stupid. holes are burned into your brain forever.

you’re stupid. holes are burned into your brain forever.
By Meghan Tennison
“you’re in a wrong place,”
you said to me
i don’t think i’m going to fall in that hole, i’m sorry, but thanks ’cause it is
so cute of you, enoughenough my words will get carried away.
i know i go too far with things like this
and i know it’s a problem how my mental state is airplanes away
while i’m doing important things, like walking around
but no that is not your cue to tell me about all the other people
who do it worse than i do, looking so pretty in your mind
while you sit there, talking about what i just said only a minute ago.
take a stick, needle or a straw out of my palm
so you can have something else to chew and teethe on;
i care that much. it would be different if i were really talking to you
or if you had a face that i could cut-n-paste with my eyes.
i wanna put you in my shallow dreams so that i can miss you,
whoever you are.
i’m not talking to myself anymore. i give up
’cause all this trouble makes my chest split
and all the shelves where i stored my secrets, my stories, my funny episodes
– all of which i think are so rare, but really just babble out of my mouth everyday –
well, they, everything, um, fell out. they flew.
those exploded peppers and many more benign ingredients.
they all spilled on the floor, but i won’t pick them up,
i won’t pretend that i know how to do that anymore,
since they’re all the same hues and, plus, my heart says it’s easier
to play doctor as a blind man.
it was the worst, a perpetual school day, run-down by me, like
should i say this&this to her, in the paper? to him, in the roof?
embedded mr. face, you always thought i couldn’t figure you out.
don’t you know that you talked to me more than anybody else, for years?
but i’m wondering – where did all those special words go? (the ones
that i tried so hard to put to sleep.)
those were the days that swam by, like they would never get caught
and brought out so abrubtly from their smiling puddles
only to start kicking the realities away.
shaky. shaky, shaking, sick shaking
hands.
it never was fixed and you never did help.
you never did anything. shame on you and go waste your look
seeing past everything that ever was
by themselves, singing carefully.
just listen to them go.