Fresh Sips
Fresh Sips
By Pat A Physics
Her torso protruded from the smoke ring
a frilly ballet tutu fringing invisible lips
she comes from a store window display
smelling like a graceful nymph dancing
polygons pinched a web about her head
slender arms greeting eyes full of mirth
breathing swell and with relaxed posture
a reckless abandon seems brand new
making fresh sips of the unveiled graph
a possibility that stains my nerves
with perky breasts that collude on
unruly tip-toes, bouncing with gusto.
Metaphor of dream-girl (I’m supposing) with ballet constant thru-out poem gives me good mental picture, along with Tchaichosky tunes dancing sugar-plum fairies with nutcrackers…the words ‘protruded’ and ‘pinched’ seemed cacophonous to me, but maybe i’m stuck in that rut where describing ‘dream girls’ has to be romantic…which Shakespeare dispelled in one of his sonnets where he illuminated all the ‘defects’ which he thought beautiful in his mistress of the time. In any case, cool poem with lots of ‘Midsummer Nights Dreamin’.
If I had my druthers, I would split the poem into 4 3 line stanzas like thus for effect and visually pleasing:
Her torso protruded from the smoke ring
a frilly ballet tutu fringing invisible lips
she comes from a store window display
smelling like a graceful nymph dancing
polygons pinched a web about her head
slender arms greeting eyes full of mirth
breathing swell and with relaxed posture
a reckless abandon seems brand new
making fresh sips of the unveiled graph
a possibility that stains my nerves
with perky breasts that collude on
unruly tip-toes, bouncing with gusto.
Thx Mr. Physics, the mechanics of your poetry is breathtaking!