Crush.
Crush.
by halifax
We’re not holding hands,
I’m holding yours.
We’re not together,
You’re with me.
The door isn’t open,
I’m letting you in.
The food is good.
It’s better off your plate.
The movie was interesting.
I thought you’d enjoy it.
It’s not time to go,
I’m taking you home.
You’re not leaving with me,
I’m leaving you alone.
We’re not kissing goodnight,
I’m stealing your smile.
I liked this right up until the last line, or maybe the last stanza. I guess I don’t really get the part about “stealing your smile” – or if I do, I just don’t care for it much. It’s a pretty good poem, but it seems to lose direction somewhere after the movie. Or maybe that’s the back story?
Yen and Yang couplets got my blood pumpin’. I’m guessing this coin that’s being flipped is Romantic Love and the mysticism that goes with it. Having a [love] ‘Crush’ is one side of this coin and reality the other. It’s like being in a whole different world and wanting desperately to stay there no matter what. When you’re in love with love…well, you’ll do anything. But is that the case here? I think maybe so…”We’re not kissing goodnight,/ I’m stealing your smile.” Cupid has shot his arrows with a Ted Nugent size compound bow! Don’t eat the cooked roadkill…
With some to forget what I was going for here- Fogman, your estimation is on the money. It seems like two poems mashed together in an uneasy peace. The balance is decidedly toward the opening stanzas, they are intriguing and have a clear mood that by the middle has become lost. I will rework this one and get the opening legs it deserves and can stand up on.