You're Fired!

You’re Fired!
by pat a physics
Leona Helmsley was a terrible bitch. She treated people so cruelly that her hair turned from silver to black again. Her mean streak was primarily in effect in this famous hotel I can’t remember the name of. I saw it in a dramatization on TV. I was about seven years old when it was a big deal. It was like Judge Judy or some other day TV crap. I remember how much everyone detested her quibbling. It occurred to me that she might have just been misunderstood by these people and that she just want to get things done and over with. I pretended I was talking to her sometimes. I would say, “Ms. Helmsley, let my people go!” I was this errand boy who had been bossed around for years and had gotten no respect from this severe, cut-throat entrepreneur even though she owed me a banquet and/or an award ceremony. Once she even spit in my hair and it smelled like cheap vodka or bad Lysol for a while. She always started her conversations with, “didn’t I fire you?” She always ended her conversations with, “you’re fired!”

0 thoughts on “You're Fired!

  1. i was fired. then i got fired a bunch more times. I’ve always wanted to be an actor exclusive to TV dramatizations.
    There was a guy in my high school who always talked about becoming a wrestler. Yesterday… while bored… I stumbled across his myspace page and well… he’s wrestler… he’s a wrestler for Jesus… i know huh… his special move is called, “The crucification”.
    Looking back. I never minded being fired.

  2. I’ve only been fired once. It happened on Labor Day of ’01. The guy who fired me was a real character. Everyone called him “Dad.” “Dad” never liked me or my portioning or the fact that I would always wear clip-on ties to work. I got fired because I broke the ice machine.
    It’s funny that you mention wrestling because I just read the Wikipedia entry about Andy Kaufman yesterday after calling in sick to work on my lunch break.

Leave a Reply