Sex Makes Me Feel Fat

Sex Makes Me Feel Fat
by andi cato
I got so drunk the other night I forgot
about you. vomit.
I feel like less because I don’t write
more. vomit.
I use beef as a chaser when I drink.
vomit. vomit. vomit.
.
Today, I pierced my lip with a safety pin.
Tonight, I’m sure I will get drunk again.
I am going to take the train for 3 days to
the magical beautiful land where the Mexicans
live and I’ll eat oysters and go to Chinatown.
.
Today I went insane.
I also paid for a traffic ticket and heard my echo
in the marble courthouse, & also I got a job with
a catering company. I feel good around poor black
people. But poor white people cuss too much. Or
at least – it seems crass when they do it.
I am going to take a blade to my skin I can feel
it. I am going to write a song every 2 to 4 weeks.
I am going to cry. And I am going to miss you.
.
Today I recorded a lone black balloon in the street,
dilismacking, like it was lost or on diazepam, hardly
realizing big metal beasts were wanting to pop it,
to be on top of it. The road was white in contrast.
Because of you, my memory is full. Fuck.
.
Just think of how many years she wasted
in front of the television, not saying anything.
Just think, just think, just think.
.
Sex makes me feel fat.
.
oh god how i want you.
oh god how i want you.
oh god how –
.
Everything is infected, and now you can’t see my
swollen metal lips, my black balloon, my hippy,
the struggle strung across my face when I sing.
I got a pretty new guitar today. Only
it’s not particularly attractive, and
it was used.
.
Watch. Watch this. If you cut open my wrist,
and hold it over the paper, black ink will
trickle out. Or maybe just air.
.
If your heart were a papaya, I’d eat it.

0 thoughts on “Sex Makes Me Feel Fat

  1. i:
    woke up, climbed out, drank from the sink, read this then
    tried to pretend i didn’t relate, absolutely, from every angle, to its heart but
    most people relate to their tvs so
    i guess there’s no one from which to hide my blinking/chewing “shit my face caught this poem and now i like it” so
    i’ll prolly just go downstairs to get
    cheetos & bottles of beer.

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