A Review of Pierre Puget's sculpture 'Milo of Crotona' (1671-83) Marble, height 8'10". The Louvre, Paris.

A Review of Pierre Puget’s sculpture ‘Milo of Crotona’ (1671-83) Marble, height 8’10”. The Louvre, Paris.
by quasimofo
I’m not much of a reviewer (most times I view things only once), but I took one look at this sculpture of some dude getting his ass bit off by a lion and said to myself– “Damn! What a way to die!” I mean, surely he dies…who could live through a lion tearing you a new one right up the kazoo? Or could he survive and just go on living with only one butt-cheek? I don’t know. In any case, this sculpture evokes a myriad of silly and grave thoughts and emotions. First I feel pity for the guy, but then I think, …hmmm, what’s he walkin’ around naked anyway? …Maybe he deserves to get his ass chomped into. Maybe he stepped into the pridelands and tagged a wildebeast with his sling-shot he shouldn’t have…”Get him Simba!” Perhaps he was cruel to animals and–‘BABA-BOOEY!’–What comes around goes around…or a case of: It really does come back to bite you on the bohoncus. Then I dutifully put my state-funded Academe thinking cap on…’ah, the symbolic conflict of man VS. nature, oohhh’. Man has forgotten his place in the circle of life, transcendental harmoniousness , good steward of the Earth, and must be reminded with..you guessed it…ASS ATTACK! A picture of this sculpture would make a good advertisment for Hemmorhoids. What a way to cool off the hubris! Alas, these are merely the uneducated impressions of a working class layman who has come across a salient work of art.
Further investigation and research of the statue reveals that the man taking it up the rear from a wild cat is none other than Milo of Crotona, not to be confused with Myron of Crouton who invents the crouton for salads, or Midius of Creton which is self-explanatory. Yes, with something so tragic and dynamic, you might guess, Milo is a Greek from the Age of Antiquity. He is not a Greek geek, but a Greek jock, who specialized in wrestling with boys and other super feats of strength and bravery like not allowing others to grab a fresh fruit from his hand, challenging oncomers to knock him off a greased disk, and carrying a cow to the stadium for an afternoon barbeque..O . K! History tells us that he was a victor at the Olympiad many times over and often led the Crotonan Army to victory wearing a lion’s skin like Hercules bludgeoning enemies with a dull club. Ahh, you might say to yourself, maybe that’s why the lion attacks him, because of his poor taste in fashion. The legend, however, tells us that in Milo’s old age he walked through the woods and tested his alpha male power by taking wedges from a tree trunk (oh yeah, that would be my first choice too!). At first he succeeds, then gets his hand stuck, then his last thought: “Oh shit, a lion! […and he looks hungry!]”.
Pierre Puget, who I’m guessing is some sort of French, did a pretty damn good job here…I have to say it’s one of my favorites even though making art from Greek mythos has been done to death {literally, in Milo’s case}. The sculpture is located at the Louvre in Paris…uh, France I believe. If it were Paris, Texas, it would probably have a cougar, and the part of Milo would be played by Jim Bowie waving his ‘Bowie knife’ around like nobody’s business…less tragedean, more rugged individual. Now the Louvre, I also believe, is where they hang art stuff, which, you knew this was coming…if they had only humored burgeoning young artist Hitler a bit by hanging his work there for a little while, World War II may have been averted altogether: “Dammit Hitler! These portraits are phenomenal!” I’m also functioning under the supposition that there are suave French robots who entertain throngs of tourist waiting to get into the Louvre. I saw this in the movie ‘Eurotrip’ and was mightily impressed, along with the nude beaches, where, if there was a zoo nearby, and a lion escaped, it would be quite possible to have a modern-day reenactment of the predicament of Milo of Crotona.