Because Of The Tupperware
by tyke johnson
There shouldnâ€™t have been so many reasons to pack up the bags. Sure there were ugly times. No bloody noses and bruised eyes though. Tears streamed for days but people are always crying. We cry when indecency makes decent in movies. When cartoon lions die. When animated robots breakdown. We cry for rain and sun and snow. So why did those tears make any difference?
The weather isnâ€™t depressing. Itâ€™s bright and breezy. If I were wearing shorts the hair on my legs would move. Busses go by. Walkers walk. Bikers spit and growl at cars that growl and spit back. Theyâ€™ll get to where theyâ€™re going. Wherever that is. Itâ€™s not here. Here is no destination for anybody, but my left hand writing and right hand drinking.
Itâ€™s a porter. Itâ€™s from a microbrewery up the coast and tastes like itâ€”too bitter, too flavorful, too much geometry on the label.
â€œClose it,â€ she said
â€œNo, itâ€™s still open at the edges. I can see it from here.â€
I inspected it further and saw one corner hadnâ€™t been closed entirely over the lip. I ignored it and put it in the fridge. â€œItâ€™s good enough.â€
â€œDamn it, Brian.â€ She stormed past me and opened the fridge to retrieve the offending Tupperware. The marinara sauce had dripped onto the kitchen counter. She had just cleaned it using a spray bottle that championed the cleaning power of orange peels. I didnâ€™t believe it. I didnâ€™t care. She bought the cleaning supplies. She could buy any citrus she wanted for the counters.
â€œSee. I told you it was still open.â€ To show me, she spun the Tupperware around causing more sauce to spill out. I couldnâ€™t help feeling that perhaps it was just shitty Tupperware. But I held back from pointing this impossibility out for it would only continue the argument. Over time Iâ€™d realized the continuation of arguments lead to nothing but a delay in my post dinner drink. It was a Tuesday and I had just received a bottle of The Macallan for my birthday.
She bought the Tupperware from a friend who had convinced her husband it was a good idea to buy lots and lots of Tupperware. I hadnâ€™t ever liked the guy but I felt sorry for him. That is, I felt sorry until his wife convinced mine that our house was also in dire need of a Tupperware overhaul. We needed different lids with different numbers and different sealable technology. Soon after, I read that Tupperware lasts longer than most marriages.
That wasnâ€™t the last fight, exactly. The last fight was about me fucking another woman. I just need to blame the Tupperware. It helps me sleep at night.
Because Of The Tupperware