If You Google "Google" 100 Times Your Hard Drive Will Implode

If You Google “Google” 100 Times Your Hard Drive Will Implode
by travis catsull
One of the things I do at work is filter through our “paid search” leads. This means we pay Google to send daily updates on people searching for things related to our business. Google sends us this info and includes the name, email, IP address, person’s business and the last 3 things the person searched for. Many times it has nothing to do with our actual business, but reading through what people search for I’ve found people don’t really understand what it means to “Google” something. You’d be very surprised. Some people in fact, think Google is some sort of wishing well or a place to confess their troubles and I’ll share a few actual examples of the non super sick or illegal searches I’ve found here:
“my wife a young girl kelly clarksten is doing it and then bam i walk in the room”
“i want to be an outrageous old woman who never gets called an old lady. i want to get leaner and meaner sharp edged and earth colored till i fade way from pure joy.”
“pics of my girlfriend amber doing a barnyard dog”
Or people will pose questions that Google should obviously have the answers to:
“where is there free hamburgers and chevy s10s”
“how do i know if my butt is bi”
“how to get cockroaches out the apartmint without using money”
“how can pisces man talk scorpio woman into doing a orgy with him tonite hurry”
Or people will have super specific things they’d like Google to find:
“gay black men with giant soft dicks like a rotten banana partying in hotlanta”
“3 lesbians with neon purple strap ons fucking on a revolutionary map of massechussetts”
And some, some have simply given up and Google is their last resort:
“my daughter keeps skipping school and i dont know where she is”
“my life sucks suck s suscj suss”
“i lost my fucking keys again”
“dear god, help me i can’t afford food”
How did we get to a place in time when a blinking cursor and a glowing white screen would be a place we felt comfortable, yet vulnerable enough to wish, confess and admit our deepest secrets?
Better yet, did we know those confessions would be so easily accessed?
Dear Google,
Save us.

0 thoughts on “If You Google "Google" 100 Times Your Hard Drive Will Implode

  1. Hehe, that’s pretty danged hilarious. I bet this job is a constant source of adventure.
    Got the update…i’ll have to order me one of them shirts, i like the colages–it’ll go well with my H&H battle axe i had crafted last year at Scarborough Fair.
    Thanks for hard work. i look forward to music site.
    P.S. I was the one who googled: “How to get cockroaches out the apartmint without using money”. Except now i’m in a trailer house and its not a problem…the rats eat them.

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