by wisdom moon
my eyes opened slightly to peer at the time clock…
“6:01″…I think its weird how I just naturally wake up on time without having to set my radio…
stretching, I roll my eyes as the phone blares in my ear…
“what the fuk, who is calling me so early”
in a irritated morning voice I reply, “this better be important”
“shut up nigga, what you doin, wake up”
a smile peers across my face at the tone of my babydaddy
“wussup dude, why you callen me so early”
“you aint goin to school today, i’ma come swoop you”
“no you aint, I got a test today”
“so make it up tomorrow”
I can hear his beat slumpen out in the background so I know he’s in his car
“plus i’m already on my way to get you…so get up nigga”
“mutha fuka it’s 6:00 in the damn morning..why is you already up and about”
“girl I been in the city hustlen all night…made me about a G, and I wanna be wiff you today”
my stomach starts to turn with butterflies…and I wonder..why is it that he can make me feel like this…a lil irritated I reply..
“where ya bitch at…aint you got somethin to do with her today”
“come on girl…dont start that with me…I wanna see you today..”
“oh my goodness…alright…let me get up…and get ready..but you gotta give me some time dude…the babies are still sleeping….so you gotta come get them and take them to the daycare..”
“aiight shit, I was gon’ do that anyways…i’m down the street, i’ma stop at bonnie’s and then i’ll be up there”
“and hurrry up!”
I remove one lil arm and one lil leg from wrapped around me and kiss my lil mamas good morning…
she’s so beautiful when she sleeps…I just want to watch her for a minute…I think its beautiful the way she curls up under me and sleeps like an angel all night..
she’s 6 yrs old and already been thru so much…I just want to let her sleep for awhile…
while in the shower, my mind always drifts thru different thoughts…knowing I probably shouldn’t be kicken it with him like that..I just cant help it..anytime I can get with him I always take advantage of…and lately its been more and more that he wants to kick it…maybe that means he’s getting tired of his bitch and wants to come back home…I shouldnt let him..but I can never say no to him…
getting out the shower I drift to my closet and try and pick something cute I know he will like me in..I reach for the yellow sundress and my brown platform sandals…gotta get my sexy on …to keep this nigga wanting to come back…
I look across the room at my sleeping 2 yr old angel..she stirs in her sleep and pops up her lil head, her eyes are not even all the way open and she’s smilen like the sunshine..
her sleepy eyes open and her arms stretch out…as I pick her up and flood her lil cheeks with morning kisses…
“hiiii pretty baby, did you have a good sleep??”
she buries her head in my chest, still sleepy and rests..
my eyes flood with tears, cuz she looks so much like her daddy, and I miss our lil family, I hold her for as long as she lets me, then boom…she wiggles and jumps down and runs to the bathroom..
“mommmie I peepeeeeee”
laughing I race to the bathroom…
“you did it mommmmy yeayeeeee!!!! you pee pee’d in your pottie”
“I a big girl now, I go peepee”
she sits on her lil disney potty and smiles to herself that she knows she is a big girl now..
“mommy is soooo proud of you mamas, let me wipe you, then you gotta go in the bath with you sister, your daddy is gon’ take you to school today”
“yes baby , daddy”
“mommie I wuv daddy”
“I know mamas..so do I”
I start the water and start for my room trying to hold back the tears… he makes me so angry sometimes…but mostly it makes me sad that he’s left…I could just kill the bitch he’s with…but I know its not her fault…its just him…and i’m weak cuz I allow him to fuk me whenever he wants…but I love him..and I think that with time, he’ll be back…he’s just doin his thug thang right now…tryn’a pimp this bitch…and I cant stop him…so I justify his actions….I mean..if he didnt love me..why would he always be trying to be with me…
“hi mommy” a groggy lil 6 yr old voice replies as I turn the corner to my room
“hiiii baby, did you have a good sleep??”
“yes, but i’m still tired…do we havvvvve to go to school today??”
“yes mommie you do…you know that ma”
“are you gonna go to school today mom”
as if she already knew my plans…of cutting out with her dad…she’s so wise…a psychic once told me she was an old soul..had lived many lifetimes before…and that she was part of my soul, in my life during every lifetime…once when she was about 3, me and my mom were in the kitchen and she was touching something she wasnt suppose to..my moms told her to stop it, and she turned, looked at her nana with her hands on her hips and said..”i was your mother!”
freaked me out thinking that my grandmother had been manifested into my 3 yr old daughter..but hey..ya never know..
“yes, i’ma go to school today” I hate lying to her..but if she knew I was gon’ be with her dad today..she’d wanna ride out too, so I fib and tell her yes
“come on ladies you gotta get in the bath, cuz your dad is gonna be here to take you to school”
“daddies coming mom? ”
“yes babe, your dad’s gonna take you to school today.”
“hmmm why cant you take us mom”
“cuz i’m running late baby, and your dad called and wants to see you”
“well then he should see us at night, not only for a minute before we go to school”
“tell him that mams”
see what I mean about her being older then her age…seems like she’s stronger than me sometimes..
as I get them out of the bath and dry them off, I reach for there lil gap fits and get them dressed, do their hair and get their breakfast ready
I can hear his beat coming around the corner, half way down the street..
thru lil shrieks I hear..”daddy’s here, daddy’s here!!!”
my lil baby rushes to the door and flings open the screen and runs onto the porch jumping up and down…
his magnetic, beautiful brown body surfaces from his acura and the smile that had me gone since I was 14 yrs old sends chills up my spine..he races up the stairs and swoops his babygirl into his arms..planting kisses all over her, he slides by me and kisses my cheek..
“hey ma, you got the babies ready to go?”
“yea, they just have to finish eating…”
he sets the baby down and with that same smoovness captivates his oldest daughter…
kissing her on her cheek, and twisting her curls…”you look real pretty today mamas..how you feel”
“i’m fine daddy, where have you been all night, it looks like you havent slept”
laffin he swoops his lil girl up and tells her she shouldnt act older then her age…
“well lil lady your daddy’s been out maken that money.” he slides her a 20 dollar bill and tells her to put it in her pocket..
“dont let nobody take your money ma, you a ballers baby, you always suppose to have scratch on you, save it for after school and i’ll take you to the candy store aiight”
“okay daddy” she snatches the money and stashes it in her lil pocket and runs off
in the kitchen i’m washing the dishes out, and he comes up behind me…
“hey girl…you look pretty today too…smell so good…mommie I miss you so much…”
and he wraps his arms around me sneaking a pill in my pocket…and whispers in my ear
“gah on and take that pill ma, i’ma take the babies to school, and i’ll be back in like 30 minutes to get you, by that time you should be feelen it, we gon’ go have some fun today”
I hesitate, but his addiction is to strong…him mixed with some good ecstasy…
I can’t never resist…