The Zombieâ€™s Valentine
by ben macnair
It had been a blind date.
Lorraine would never have
chosen Gary for her Valentine.
She had always been open-minded
about other peopleâ€™s beliefs.
She had been told that Gary
was the strong silent type,
But he had never been known
to be lively.
He was a friend of a friend,
who had asked her as a favour.
Gary had been down lately,
and a date was what he needed.
He was finding it hard to adjust
to a new way of life,
But Lorraine did not know how wrong they were.
Garyâ€™s new way of life
was the old way of death.
Ever since her friendâ€™s attempts
at being Doctor Frankenstein
had drawn unwanted attention his way.
Now, the Authorities were breathing down his neck,
and looking after Gary was making him a nervous wreck,
He wanted time to think about what to do next.
Gary was a large man, made from several large men.
He was never happy with his ears, and his knees
both pointed in the wrong way.
He had an elbow where a clavicle should be,
And he did not know the difference between arse and elbow,
Which meant he could not sit down for long.
Lorraine met Gary at the proper appointed time.
They sat close together, and Gary told her about himself,
Whilst she told him a secret.
Lorraine was a Zombie too,
She had grown up in the last century,
When this type of thing was more common.
There was no internet to keep the idle curious busy,
They just made do with what they could find.
Lorraine was lonely.
Gary would not set her heart beating faster,
It had been years since it had last beat,
But he listened, and had none of the ego
That she found so repellent in other men,
Even if their ears and eyes matched,
And they had a decent haircut.
Gary had bought a Valentineâ€™s card for her,
But some of the romance was lost on him.
Their mutual friend is spending a few years
At her Majestyâ€™s Pleasure.
He says that society is trying to save Morris Dancing,
But maybe Grave Robbing is little bit beyond the pail.