ways to save money

Ways to Save Money
by john bennett
Pinch pennies. Grow your own vegetables. Pull all your teeth with pliers and put the whole bloody mess under your pillow. Pretend you’re asleep and when the tooth fairy shows up, wrestle her to the floor, tie and gag her, sell her to the sex trade.
Now we’re talking big bucks. The tooth-fairy seed money will multiply like fishes and loaves, and soon you’ll be a bona-fide Daddy Warbucks, selling arms to everyone under the table while your hands remain soft clean and pink. You can start your own mega-church and sleep with ex nuns and young boys. You can even buy back the tooth fairy for a night, her Tinker Bell magic diminished, but her legs still good.
Once you’ve reached this stage, everything you touch turns to gold. Even scandal can’t hurt you, accusations boomerang and roll off you like hot spit on a griddle. You’re the talk of the town, a late-night-show sensation, the kind of hero that spawns fan clubs. Song writers write songs about you and you’re made the ambassador to New Guinea. You’re invited to witness lethal injections.
“Live simply so that I may simply live,” were your parting words to the press as you boarded the plane to your new post, and the whole world tightened its belt.

0 thoughts on “ways to save money

  1. Now this one made me laugh. But “hot spit on a griddle,” I feel, is dangerously close to being a cliche. But then again, we’re all dangerously close to being a cliche. Otherwise, well done.

  2. yeah. the last paragraph sums it up. indulge me for a moment… the country’s rich are filthy and without social conscience. the pious are immoral. the poor are scratching and powerless. the indulgence of the movers take the life bread /blood from the masses and the whole world tightens its belt.
    having said this, i can also subscribe to many tenets of objectivism.
    i’m just sayin’…

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