Sextet
sextet
By Beth Cortez-Neavel
1.
You growl into me
Pinned down like prey, the rush
In controlling arms.
2.
Crying out, an animal
You love it when I pounce, bite
My need so primal.
3.
Throw me down again
No noise of passion too loud
Soft on the white bed
4.
It is so easy,
You move so hard against me
Pause to kiss my mouth
5.
Deep, deep, soft and deep
Grinding, slipping, sliding
Come! and it is enough
6.
Soft touches from both
We lay together tired
So much love in us.
Jeez, I’m horny all the sudden. Where’s my wife? Shit, she’s sleeping in bed, the blue haze of Nightline across her cheeks. Shit shit shit.
Four things:
1.) I see that the title is associated with the number of stanzas in this poem, but when I think of the word ‘sextet,’ I think of a six piece band. There only seem to be two people performing here. So what you seem to have is a twosome not a six-some. So even though the title is cute, it doesn’t really make sense.
2.) I find the last line — “So much love in us.” — a bit disappointing.
3.) This poem needs better adjetives. Soft, deep, grinding, slipping — these are ok, but any 14 year old could come up with these. Break out the thesaurus.
4.) The whole hunter/prey/animal motif is tiresome when associated with sex.
the title “doesn’t really make sense”? WTF? Its not an earthshattering pun, but it makes sense. As far as senryu goes, these are okay at best, but at least they got Misener all hot and sweaty, right?
A TV in the bedroom is a clue. I hear you brother. Get the damn thing out of your room. Next time, wake her up and tell her that Martin Bashir accused you of impotency and you need a strong rebuttal.
Well, I don’t know…if you consider that each person is comprised of an id, ego, and superego…then it really can be a sextet. Now me personally, I like to have a 6 member band playing saucy tunes while i’m making love. It’s sometimes difficult to get them all in the bedroom, you know, and the trombone player has to keep his distance. lol.
Yeah, maybe some words could have been ‘thesaurused’, but perhaps that would have taken away from the ‘primal’ ambience here. Ms. Neavel thinks as a predator/prey during intimacy so who can take that away from her…she’s just expressing how she thinks and feels and then sharing…not necessarilly trying to create the love-child of Dr. Ruth and John Donne. Poetry was created for woman/man, not woman/man for poetry, so i think it is the expressing and sharing of that which is most important…not the meticulous dialectic of hammering out how to create the ‘master-race poem’ thru literary eugenics. But there is a time and place for objective feedback and it’s good to have it every once in a while. I know i’ve done it a couple times but really feel that it can miss the point if taken too seriously and can discourage younger beginner poets who aren’t necessarilly ‘gearing up’ for the Commercial Literary Marketplace, but who are just looking to share and mainly be a part of a group who enjoys the creative process. So one should be careful with critiques. I’ll admit i’ve gone overboard here and there, especially with that ‘gang poem’ 4-5 months ago, which i regret, and which i apologize for. You live and you learn. I’m just glad i got pulled back from the darkside and can see beauty again…thank you Prozac!
Thanks again, Ms. Elizabeth for sharing a work so personal and passionate. That takes guts!
Still don’t know why you beat yourself up about the “gang poem” Quasi. You said nothing wrong. It was a stimulating discussion.
Oh, and I have to say I found this poem pretty boring. It just felt flat and sorta like a glimpse into someone’s sex life, a life that is great to that person but rather unimpressive to someone not involved. The last line sorta contradicts the others in the attempt to create a ‘mood’ about the whole episode. It didn’t create any type of reaction in me besides, “Ho hum”. I think Misener just needs to wake his wife up more often, then these sophomoric sextets wouldn’t excite him so. LOL!
Yes, Misener – WAKE UP YOUR WIFE! I think she’d appreciate it. And Mofo – point well taken, but discussions about poetics are stimulating and also tend to wake up the comment field very nicely. While “younger beginner poets” might get discouraged by critical feedback, older intermediate poets know that feedback can drive them to new heights they might have been blind to were it not for criticism. In other words, poetry is not all raves and accolades. In fact, outside of forums, it’s rarely either.
No, my wife doesn’t wake up. She sleeps like a log.
I suppose that’s true that ‘criticism’ can stimulate good discussion on the art itself of poetics (when done with consideration and respect), but most the time i’d rather just take the poem for what its worth and have a discussion on life. Which is not to say that i don’t enjoy a good talk on the ‘nuts and bolts’ of poetry too. Poetry can be the vehicle by which we arrive somewhere, or it may me the destination…but either way, yes, we can ‘tweak’ the engine or do some nice landscaping. Thx. thoughtful points.
It is what it is. I’m not touting it as my best work or anything.
Words just happen when they want to.
I have a beautiful relationship with my Thesaurus. But big words don’t fit in small stanzas.
I DO think I should have made it “Sex-tet”
I forgot about the musical implications.