Astrological Tandem
Astrological Tandem
by erika nichols
if your finger finds the
magnetic pull of my silver
flow, you can follow
the freckles from my shoulder to
spine, nipple to thigh and learn
the constellations.
I was bruised when born and
will not be unblemished in
the next grave.
I have never been static, shapeshifter
at dawn to evening’s every orifice
and it sticks that way.
Short poetry usually leaves me unfulfilled as a reader but i enjoyed this one a lot. The title, right away, got my imaginative cogs turning lubricated with the art of wondering and the poem itself I found to actually straddle that ‘tandem’ of being either too abstract or too concrete. Poetic expression and metaphors were not cliche, but original enough with use of science and fringe- erotica…i thought.
Of course, this is just my own personal opinion and i do not presume to ‘lay down the law’ on what’s kosher as if Poetry were a pursuit to absolute truths in regards to the medium of expression. Poets will argue for what they like and dislike (and I’m guilty too), but I think poetry is not the greatest arena for ‘adversity’, but maybe a refuge from it or a place to talk about it. Why replicate something cultural into the mold of the economic and political sphere? And while i’m on this tangent ‘tandem’, I also believe that poets as a whole are a ‘brotherhood/sisterhood’ and should be professional when commenting on one another’s poetry. For instance, using the terms ‘shitty’, coupled with ‘annoying’ and ‘pretentious’ are too personal, are inconsiderate, and are insulting If honesty cannot be expressed with respect and consideration, then keep it to yourself. Aren’t we supposed to be enjoying this, after all?
Back to the poem…I personally love to read alliteration (finger, finds, flow, follows, freckles…bruised, born, unblemished). Craft is good! I particularly enjoyed the use of ‘flow’ and ‘follow’…a mere ‘o-l’ being the difference between the two…the hills are alive, with the Sound Of Poetry!
Line endings could be tweaked some but i’m guessing the poet already knows that…i have probs occasionally with copy-and-paste feature. And if it were me, i’d seperate last stanza first sentence (“I have never been static, shapeshifter etc.”)with something besides a comma. I mean, it still works. I don’t know, i love the ellipsis (…) or the ellip (..) even though it may not be technically gramatically correct. The dash (–) might look kinda ugly here.
For me, the second stanza makes this poem. It’s a lot more concrete than the last stanza which is too awkward and abstract. Perhaps a mere indefinite article might give it a stronger flow, i.e. “I have never been a static, shapeshifter”
Oh i know. I read that 2nd stanza and it really stuck with me…profound epiphany. The author was wise in setting it apart from other stanzas.