carry water for God

carry water for God
by halifax
the marriage of æ
Someone put charcoal in my tea
same person cut my mother free,
a thing she rejoiced to
to be rid of me
Someone planted an ash tree
same hand moved ink to see,
a thing wiser than me
to have writ larger
all I reread
__
Someone made the lock and key
some others would bolt doors without me
a thing unseen but keen
to be allaying both here and between
Someone plays guitar and responsibility
some awake to hear and drink the tea
a thing not you and not me
to have the harmony agree
Someone waters the fiery tree
same watcher reads letters into the leaves
a thing of absolute certainty
to have been pronounced with such conviction.

0 thoughts on “carry water for God

  1. Whiptastic! Found this on ‘ae’: Æ (minuscule: æ) is a grapheme formed from the letters a and e. Originally a ligature representing a Latin diphthong, it has been promoted to the full status of a letter in the alphabets of many languages, including, among others, Danish and Norwegian. As a letter of the Old English alphabet, it was called æsc (“ash tree”) after the Anglo-Saxon futhorc rune áš« which it transliterated; its traditional name in English is still ash (IPA: /æʃ/). *Hey, ‘ash tree’ is in poem, dammit! I’m onto something Professor Langdon!
    however, the marriage of ‘ae’ could be an irony (complete with steam and washboard), perhaps, since most of the words are ‘ea’ which would seem to indicate that things are twisted around and backward in life sometimes…maybe…or probably that i am twisted for reading more into it than what’s there and because i was the one who put charcoal in your tea and peed on the lemon tree. Also, very importantly, the ‘ae’ grapheme use to be a Latin diphthong…key root word there is ‘thong’, which we all know is what the author of this poem wears when he writes…it’s a glow-in-the-dark thong too…which means that the poet is uncomfortable in his own skin sometimes and because he doesn’t like to move before he completes a work, the chamber pot fills up…thus the title: ‘Carry water for God’. This is only an interpretation of the writer’s subconscious intent written purposefully as an interpretation of the subconscious’ conscience. I myself, am not cognizant of any underlying overlays of theme here except that these ‘someones’ seem to keep rubbing it in that we have a lot to learn, we may be true, but can be resolved by tracking the fellows down and giving them a good ass-whooping–that would absolve all guilt.
    Seriously though, very philosophical and poetic…i’m letting it sink in while i go to Japanese steakhouse for tea ceremony. Enjoyed the read! Oh, how’d that Poetry Club reading go, by the way?
    So much rhyme, so much reason, are such spicy seasonings for such a pleasin’! There’s a lot of ‘someones’ in this poem

  2. Choppy, difficult flow and meter, too much reliance on the word “and”, and worst of all…rhyme. Rhyme is, admittedly, my own personal prejudice. I’m sure this seemed like a good idea at the time, but despite mofo’s War & Peace like tome, which is rather talky and pretentious, and really serves no purpose as a critique of the poem, but rather serves his need to be heard, I would rethink this poem with the same basic concept, idea and intent, but lose the rhyme and make the piece flow off of the tounge.

  3. Ag-
    I appreciate your well-presented honest critique. To explain my reasons for using rhyme defeats the point in the first place. That it didn’t translate into a serious reading means I need to work on this further and fix it.
    Rhyme has gotten a lot of bad rap lately. Don’t know why, I just like it. Mouth feel (like a fresh wasabi tongue roll) is sometimes part of my emphasis. With this piece I had different goals in mind. It is choppy, especially around the word responsibility. I kind of meant it that way. Didn’t work out I guess. Oh-well. It’s not like I’m dropping babies.
    I don’t agree over the use of “and”. Could be. Let me think on it awhile.
    Quasi- you’re dead on. Fluorescent tumescence is my muse. Thanks for doing the leg work on my title. You got the inverse e to a & the ash tree connection. Did you find the hidden links?

  4. Mr. Synclair, it’s good to see you back! I value your feedback and your experience, even though i disagree with almost 100% of it and consider much of your own comments/critiques to be ‘flaming’ and counterproductive to the Art of Poetry and for bringing in new poets to the Art. Who ever said that a comment had to be a critique? Hmm. Puzzling. Yeah, it’s nice to be heard every once in a while but i don’t believe the length of a comment or poem for that matter makes it talky and pretentious. I’m truly sorry to have come down so hard on your work a while back, but it seems as if you are pursuing an ‘absolute aesthetic’ in Poetry as if it were an exact science… I have to disagree vehemently with that as well as the arrogant assumption that you are the Poetry God’s gift to man and just because there is a trend in style for what the all-powerful ‘poetry editors’ of this world prefer, does not make it individualistic–on the contrary, poets who pay to much heed to what ‘works’ and what can get your name in print, become slaves to ‘herd aesthetics’. As i have quoted before: “social man lives constantly outside himself, and only knows how to live in the opinion of others, so that he seems to receive the consciousness of his own existence merely from the judgement of others concerning him.” -Jean Jaques Rousseau– No doubt this is more pseudo-intellectualism on my part or pretentiousness again.
    Even though ‘rhyme’ at the end of lines was once traditional but not now ‘en vogue’, still like reading it every once in a while…to me it’s much more preferable to cliches, which you yourself are guilty of. Just being honest here. You say your work is truth…but you express yourself too much thru the acceptable norm of established expression. I have a big problem with your arrogance but i think you should keep commenting at H&H cause you’re truly knowledgeable and have some productive things to say (in-between the flames). You can keep pointing out to me and others why we are ‘bobcats’ pointing out all the differences between us and you (let’s call you a cougar) and why a bobcat is not a cougar etc. etc. etc. but that still doesn’t change who i am and who you are in our artistic preferences. I mean, sure, you can strike me and others down to build yourself up and validate yourself…but that wouldn’t be very live and let live would it. “The only thing important about poetry is the enjoyment of it.” –Dylan Thomas– Don’t ruin it for the rest of us please.

  5. Now don’t be catty.
    Time wounds all heels. He’ll get his too. I thought that apart from the brief meander against you declaring war in pieces, he kept his words on point. But I like you Quasi…you tell me to throw poo- throw poo I do. Handfuls. You can’t see it but I narrowed my eyebrows at Ag.

  6. No doubt, I went off the rails a bit regarding Quasi’s quasi-literate critique of your I-really-do-think-this-could-be-great poem (and I really do), but I just couldn’t help myself. An overlong screed that rivals the length of the Bible, regarding a 21 line poem, is pretentious, pointless, narcissistic, and downright silly, but I digress. There is far too much needless pretention in the poetry world already, and when it presents itself in such a blatantly obvious way….sometimes pointing it out is ok.

  7. Quasi-mofo and I are currently in a armistice over what constitutes pretension. He asserts it is a antonym for post-tension. I’m not completely sure what I claimed it was. Suffice it to say, we were being silly. I can only hope silly isn’t a synonym for pretentious.

  8. Personally, I don’t enjoy rhyming poetry and whenever I begin going through the countless daily submissions and I see something starting to rhyme I instantly stop, hit delete and move on. But this is Halifax and I trust he’s got something going and will give him a shot at it.
    Great comments here. I enjoy intelligent dialogue as much as Robert Bly might and simply wanted to see how the crowd (or those who choose to appear from it) would react.
    Keep writing. We’re making one another better at what we do.

  9. Thank you for the editorial warning. I had no idea. Will be more careful with my play in the future, officer. Saddled with the trust factor. Damn.
    This mean I can’t fall back on your previous sentiment that you’d not post anything bad to save the writer embarrassment? I may have to reregister with a different assumed name.
    Resting on laurels can give one the haemorrhoids. All reputations are bad.

  10. Ah, continue on Halifax. While I do post “questionable” writing at times to simply see how others will react I wouldn’t leave you completely out to dry. After all, you provide the laundry.
    I’m always shocked at how others feel about certain posts. And it’s one of the reasons H and H continues. The simple enjoyment of watching the latest, greatest and certainly not so greatest unfold. We all fit into all of these categories and that’s why H and H is a wonderful place for writers to develop, hone and submit their respectively perfected voices.

  11. Pretentious, Pointless ,Narcissistic,
    and Downright Silly Minimalist Dream Poem #3
    For Halifax ‘Pablo’ Scalafax
    At the foot of the Sphinx,
    me and my muse have asphixiation sex
    in sleeping bags.
    Bukowski fingers ‘moonlight sonata’
    on a young chang made of plywood
    and pops off:
    “Hater, you slurp jello shots
    from that hot puss like a champ!”
    I smile
    and fuck the make out of love.

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