Underage Girls, Gauze, and Glad Stupidity

Underage Girls, Gauze, and Glad Stupidity
by joe cloyd
I went to the dentist’s office
Near my old high school
It wasn’t hurting until
He started messing with it
I already owed him over 1,200
But the pain… it was unbearable
And it taught me that
Pain was the penultimate philosopher
Who didn’t employ logic or reason
For his arguments
But a hammer, a blow torch and a pair of pliers
And that dentists
And doctors
And philosophers
Are liars
But this dentist wasn’t such a bad guy
He took pity on me and
Pulled it out for free
And wrote me a prescription
For some antibiotics
Afterwards my jaw was pretty numb
My mouth tasted like a dirty bloodied sock
Taken off of a dead man
To get that taste out of my mouth
I stopped by the Burger King
And ordered some fries and a coke
I got my order
I sat down
And dug into
My soggy french fries
And washed it down
With high fructose corn syrup
And red gauze
Like ketchup
Then I heard my name
And a familiar voice
Called me to his table
It was a ‘friend’ from high school
Who I hadn’t seen in a few years
Since graduation
He was sitting with his cousin G.L.
And his girlfriend
He was 22 like me
But his girlfriend was 15
She just started attending
The high school me and Victor
Used to go to
And then he looked around
Smug and perfectly satisfied
Like a rich man’s son
But he had nothing
He had less than me
He had no money
He had no brains
He had no doubts
And that was what made him strong
Still the best place
To pick up chicks, he said
And I had to hand it to Victor
Liz had great tits
Even though she had a face
Like a horse
He was proud just the same
And acted like he really achieved
I didn’t say too much
But then again he didn’t
Call me over because
He wanted conversation
I went home afterwards
And luckily my mom was out
To the store or something
So I went to bed
And spit french fries, gauze
And blood into my hand
And jacked off
Thinking of Liz’s tits
Then I read some
And fell asleep
On page 3

0 thoughts on “Underage Girls, Gauze, and Glad Stupidity

  1. Banal and brilliant, sir! Laughed my ass off about reading the Kierkegaard and falling asleep on page 3 (some minor atonement from the previous act. In any case, piece had smooth flow and high readability–gripping story yet impressive insightfulness into the nature of man and mother nature.

  2. jesus Joe, good thing i came to this site before going to post at Clutching At Straws, ’cause I was gonna post this one today. You bastard. Just kidding. You’ll get more views here, obviously.

  3. Actually it’s the jerking off part that she doesn’t have a problem with. What bothers her is that I read philosophy. Or try to read it anyways.

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