the first time
the first time
by Scot Siegel
the first time she stuck her tongue down my throat
i thought i had swallowed a spinner, and struggled
like a trout, tongue-tied by her treble hook;
before i could look, my neck went limp; moth-like
stars, slow and blotchy, began to swarm;
when she released me, it was like emerging
from a vernal hot spring in winter, delightful…
this is how we’d make love before we knew how,
before we knew any better
I like it. Though I would have continued the fish metaphor throughout the poem. For instance instead of \”moth-like\” how about \”minnow-like\” or something like that? Still good though. This could be developed into a really great poem.
Moth works for me as the perspective of the fish includes that it is a hunter in search of flailing insects. In the mindset of the fish, struggling prey would be the logical comparision to make. Maybe if he went with “mayfly” it work translate better.
I liked it very much and found myself comparing it to my own experiences. Good poem-