How to get towed through life with a piece of Dental Floss: Ascetic Sutra Mach Five

How to get towed through life with a piece of Dental Floss: Ascetic Sutra Mach Five
by Quasimofo

How to get towed through life
with a piece of Dental Floss:
Ascetic Sutra Mach Five

i should get paid to breathe, dammit!
and if money grew on trees,
it would be legal tender
for the money lender
right after it
drops as autumn leaves..
use a rake—not a mulcher!
lay back in the chair and hold her while Mr. dentist drills
e(Erie) root canals down your wench and pulley
lazy lifestyle filling in the dead nerves with lead memoirs
false biographies, porcelain cruci-fix{it all}fixture fictions..
brace yourself for the harsh braces that form the crux
of modern-day scrape-goading check-ups.
time to wash-out? spit fluoride onto florida recounts..
take heart in fake wrestling moving the tongue from side to side
to make for better space..
clean with a nap kin(d)ling), and shine white god’s plaque on the wall grace!
man i wish the picture on the ceiling i’ve been staring at 2 hours
a centerfold of my 8th grade English teacher
and not mountain goats on the Rockies mts..

I’d like to be worshipped as the Greek God of Goofiness!
i filled out the forms, but Zeus got pissed..
yep—should have called him ‘Jupiter’
since he was seated next to the junipers..
*(Workin’ class poets always use the Greek names for those bozos;
College Academics always hone in on the Roman).

{incidentally—i can stereotype 65 groups of people a minute—did you know that lonely people long for inclusion?
..and that the race for racial pro filing clerks is mostly
won by backwater jerks..? i appealed to the equal opportunity commission for a job
at Mount Olympus and am suing for 40 thousand gallons of nectar!
Ix-nay on that order for the self-molded plastic statues
with the archaic smiling fig-leafs..
It’s kinda T(Hera)-P’eww tic {for the}tic-toc wal-mart dark-wooded
grandfather clock
to replace realistic fiends with imaginary friends..

i used to think the only way to talk
with enemies
was to tear them new assholes and stir up their brain cells—
now i’ve learned to kiss and tell them off..
to turn the other spread cheek..
to chomp moon pies with their lighter grey-minded cavities..
but sure, what was customary then
is not customary now..
if you don’t believe me
try finding something lost and found..
–though it is mostly the custom for Mary to
be quiet with her ex-con boyfriend larry..
Be wary of the weary, I’m a bastard son
cause I started before it had all be [gun] – control}
pat the backs of the dumb-fun patrol..].

when i have headaches,
i beat the different drummers
and let the others march acapella..
yeah, if you insist on wearing tuxedoes, suit yourself!
how do we break poetry out of its vacuum? Coahuilian cleaning lady unplugs the {social} outlet
and unzips the bag over (and after) the shag..
can we
use mid-grade cologne for more than covering cheap stink?

..waiting in the unemployment lines
i stagger and wish i hadn’t drank
all those home-made do-it yourself -{in}wines..
as a matter of fact, there’s no shame
in walking across the house naked
with a half-wiped behind
to reach
the other side
and take stock[s] of double-plied
streaking thru the middle
of your mom’s Pampered Chef
hmm.—time to start a scrap-booking club..

when i was a runt of a man,
i thought being a poet could get me laid,
i just didn’t realize it never paid…
i feel like a migrant client now
with a cancelled appointment in a town
i’ve lived 15 years to own…
the lights of wreckers show
rusted chains and splintered cables
in between throbs of pain and bright lamp numbness..
nowadays, the only job that pays
to use your hands is being a strangler..
by the way, movies should not be rated R for nudity
if the nudity’s of cadavers
Rock stars say: ‘We work when we want money!’
and i can only seem to chew without wisdom (teeth)
what will ensure 20 bucks in my pockets ever-after
for 10 dollar music CD’s and a meal at the Taco House..
but why do i go to the ATM 5 times for 20 a piece
instead of going once for one-hundred?
Working hard is hardly working for me
peeing behind this chain-sawed tree
trying to believe if i can trim a spring bush
and summer hedge..?
–this garden of life might give me some sort
of edge..
..and having a man date does not mean
you’re gay..
while the sheep herders flock morality
in catchy watered upsidedownwardspiral phrases like:
Get a stool! Grab some wool! Push and pull!
–[an inside{the barn} joke that’s not so funny..]
can i ever open my mouth again self-prodded?

It should be legal to marry 2 women;
that way there could be two low-wage-earners
while one stayed at home with the kids and cooked food on burners..
But don’t take my word for it—
i don’t have the moral buds
to know what’s distasteful if it has sugar in it..
Care for a toothpick?!?

0 thoughts on “How to get towed through life with a piece of Dental Floss: Ascetic Sutra Mach Five

  1. By Jove, that was quite the demented candy floss you laid there between my teeth. I chattered through the lines, from front to back, and found some real meaty chunks and many shiny emerald garnish tidbits. I should practice reading this twice a day, a prayer of sorts after each meal to set a better example for my mouth to chew more slowly, thoroughly, thoughtfully even. (I’ve heard digression improves digestion.)

  2. I don’t have anything intelligent to say about this, but I do like it… When I get some time, I’ll read it a couple more times and maybe then I’ll be able to verbalize the poem’s profundity… or something…

  3. Thanks for the comments guys! Yeah, this was just a wacky fun sort of poem that was all over the freakin’ place (like how i make love). Lots more rhyme used here than i usually incorporate but i figured what the hell–might as well ‘let loose’ on one and just go with it. I enjoyed plugging links in there also–a feature i’ve only recently explored but am making ‘baby steps’ in becoming more ‘multimedia/computer savvy’. Glad you enjoyed!

  4. yes it was all over the place… but it’s a strong piece nonetheless because the particulars of your poem are harnessed quite well by its main theme: that the mores we’ve been fed were good going down but now are stuck in our teeth, but now stuck in our teeth and need to be flossed out… again: very nice.

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