"Ed told me that Bettie was pissed at him"

“Ed told me that Bettie was pissed at him”
by Steve Hellyard Swartz
Because she caught him viewing pics on a website devoted to Men Who Love Fatties
He told me they were up all night fighting about it
Just when he thought maybe he’d gotten her calmed down, she’d start up again
Like an aftershock he said
Ed said he’s terrified that his little indiscretion is the straw that’s going to break the camel’s back and that in this scenario the camel is him
I asked if Bettie was mad because he was looking at the women on the computer or because she now thinks the only reason he’s into her is that she’s a fattie
Not that she is, mind you, but you know how women can be
They see different shit in the mirror than people like Ed and me
Ed said that it was definitely the second one, that he was positive that now Bettie thinks he’s attracted to fatties only, which makes her one, too
Ed said that when Bettie was a kid her mother used to attach crap to their refrigerator, under little bagel magnets, little newspaper clippings about sugar being the devil and all
Ed said that it’s hard enough fighting with a woman’s present, if she gets the past on her side, well, stick a fork in it, buddy, cuz you’re done
I asked Ed why he had visited the website in the first place
I asked Ed if he was indeed a Man Who Loves Fatties?
That’s the dumbest thing about this whole mess, Ed said
I’m not into fatties at all
I was just looking for something different
Just something, anything that wasn’t the same old perfect, artificial, store-bought bullshit body. I tried to tell Bettie that. I tried all night. I tried and I tried till my voice gave out. I tried to tell her but she just put her hands over her ears and screamed.
Ed said that he tried to tell her that all he was looking for – and It Had Nothing To Do With Bettie – how he saw her or didn’t see her – nothing at all
All I wanted, Ed said, and the poor guy was crying telling it to me
All I wanted
All I was looking for
Was just something real

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