Prem is a Sanskrit Word Meaning Love
Prem is a Sanskrit Word Meaning Love
by C.L. Quigley
I press my cracked lips against the rusty
beer can because I want you, I want love.
I’ve seen your trash: Hamms, Dutch Lunch.
Tell me you had more than Prem and beans.
Oh gentleman of distinction
(back when the lookout was a man’s job)
on the spindly wooden spire
halfway between heaven and hell,
Did they ask you, too, if it gets lonely?
Dark browed and square jawed, tin pots
against the blue, you were America’s hero.
I pull your harsh mouth closer
and push my tongue inside you.
Rust and soot sweep the insides of my lips.
I pull your boots off in a burning
fit of urgency, and the icy, red metal
cuts my back when you unclasp my girdle.
Well past midnight, the forgotten radio
crackles my eyes ajar. My cheek
is wet against the pillow,
and my boxers bunched tight.
The moon relaxes on the horizon.
The wind rips past the windows and
Crater Peak is the shadow next door
who won’t tell me how he really feels.
© 2010 C.L. Quigley, Burney Mountain
The first five stanzas are outstanding. The last two feel like afterthoughts. super poem nonetheless
thanks, Shawn! i’m diggin yr stuff too. maybe a (*) before those last two stanzas? an intermission or a curtain close? in the end, it will never be perfect for everyone, as i can even find flaws in my heroes’ work. “see” you around!
I would skip the *. The imagery in the last stanza evokes a feeling of lonely passion, and makes your poem stronger and not at all an afterthought. And the 2nd to last stanza provides a nice segway from the 5th to the last stanza. So as much as I respect him, I have to disagree with Shawn. Because to cut the last 2 stanzas would somehow make it less human, and give it less dimension.
Upon reread I’d change my phrasing from “afterthought” to “disjointed.” It’s a swell poem any way you slice it, and keep true to what you dig. . . change it or leave it.
X.Ina I love ur brain. Hey where do you get ur pictures?
I love it, Christina. Can I just leave it at that?
this is awesome, sorry i never read this before. i’m gonna have to read it a few more times to fully get what’s going on here. i think i’m disjointed. and i wish i had a joint. as far as bein’ on the lookout not being a job, is that why i’m not getting paid? i’m 24/7 on top of that shit. just ‘koos you’re not paranoid don’t mean they’re not after you. thanks <3