Deafen A Room

Deafen A Room
by Harutyun Mackoushian
A strange impulse and dusts on the fingertips, are the only alive things that remained in the wave, which is switching me to an empty space,the need to wash the dirty body, skinning the body and playing with its organs, choking it gradually and turning off the lights, and forcing Lauren to lick the ashtray, hitting her head lightly to force her, and seeing her how she’s licking the ashtray,feeding her regularly on the ash of my cigarettes. The need to snuggle her and the feel that her mouth is filled with the ash of my cigarettes, the pushing and the tossing on the face,and watching the room’s stuff, furnitures of the room, how they set in order, hovering around me regularly and simultaneously, I throw away the ashtray now, we should’ve met
in the park, to hover around the trees, to wind and to dive in a realm of stars, where nothing can penetrate
it, merely saliva is flowing from the mouth, and anger.
Rage, invented by waves I cannot block them, in the dark, inside the darkness of the body, where everything shifts and a thick dust on the fingertips, I ponder on them and wish to crash them, wiping them on the body of Lauren, inventing anger directed against the body that I am in, and a strong straining, abhorrence, hate, and the hesitating to choke.
Gradually decomposition is occurring in the core, and I cannot stop, I lose every connection with me, merely waves I cannot switching them away off me, waves deafening my ears, making me just a mirror before Lauren, her thin body that’s bleeding vigorously, imitating me, erasing me, in panic she cries.
She tries to wipe my dirty fingers, and I don’t tolerate to breathe in this room filled with antiseptic smells,
sterilizing the limbs of my body, sewing a wound, sterilizing, where after that everything is here, sterilizing. I pass the needle to Lauren, she sterilizes it, sticks it in my body, she says that I’ll be fine now, I watch her how she’s sterilizing the needle and I sense the dirt of my hands, she takes a cotton ball and sterilizes my hands, while I do remember how I smashed my mother’s face.