A Sensuous Moment
by JR Alonso
From behind the counter, she asked me if I wanted a sample. It took me five seconds to realize she meant the hot pocket sandwich she had just baked. I took the bite-sized morsel of sourdough bread stuffed with ham and provolone cheese. As I chewed it, I looked her over and devoured her honey-spun blonde hair, caramel-colored eyes, creamy complexion, and her slender body. I said it was delicious. She blushed. I ordered a cafe con leche. She told me to come back soon. I didn’t. It would have ruined that moment. It was the most sensuous meal I have ever had.
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This was so good. To pack that much punch into so few words requires quite the skill. Congrats my friend!
Thank you, my friend.
I am with KS. This packed it all into one short burst of language so rich that I did not look for any more. It was all complete. Kudos!
Flash Fiction is a hard style to write. Thank you for the kind words.
Pitch perfect!
Shows clear mastery in flash fiction.
Thank you for the wonderful comment.
Yes! Sensuous! Like a min-novel! Does leche derrive from lecher?}
good read/good to see it here!!!!
eek! typo…deRive!
I’m not sure if if does. Leche means milk. Thank you for commenting.
interesting association though…
True.
Mmmm….delicious! I love the contrast of salty and sweet!
Thank you for pointing out the contrast. In all honesty, I did it subconsciously.
A perfect prose haiku, JR. This leaves me wanting to try one of her hot pockets, too.
Thank you.
What a provocative piece! You were right not to go back and ruin this great moment.
Thank you, but it was fiction. : )
Very enjoyable and thought provoking & as I’m English that’s a real compliment.
I’d have gone back,taken some shellfish and ruined the moment.
Good Man.
Hey, great descriptive work. Honey-spun hair will do it every time! (SS)
Thank you! It sure does. 🙂
Thank you, sir!
JR:That was excellent
“In der Kürze liegt die Würze”=”Brevity is the soul of wit”
It is also a most challenging way to write.
Nicely done. I think flash fiction is particularly suited to capturing this kind of moment; it happens in a moment but you remember it for a long time. Kinda like your story. Right on!
Thank you. Flash Fiction forces the writer to get to the point as quickly as possible. I agree. This type of story writing is great for capturing a moment and filling it with impact.
Masterfully rendered! Loved the dual meaning–funny yet wrapped up in ‘life-truth’ at the end. Moments can be preserved in memory–or they can be ‘ruined’, as you say. good one!
Thank you!