hot pants

hot pants
by D George Gawlik
the clock said pm
and she was still
in bed so I
decided to
make myself
useful by
sorting the laundry
so I sat on the
living room floor
of our apartment
cigarette dangling
out of my mouth
ashtray sitting
next to my left leg
now
all her delicates and
underwear go into a
small linen bag and
the rest gets stuffed
into big plastic garbage
bags to haul to the
wash room
so I’m sorting and
smoking and feeling
quite pleased with
myself but the
smoke
seems to be getting
all of a sudden
thick
SHIT! LOOK!
HER PANTIES ARE ON FIRE!
and I don’t mean that way
I start slapping at the
smoking flaming bag with my
hands but this only
launches an air force
of red-black embers
which settle down in the
carpet and on the
two upholstered chairs
screw her panties, I think
the place is gonna burn down
as I run about
patting down everything
in the room
then
Maggie’s voice
freezes me:
“Is everything okay out there?
I smell smoke!”
“EVERYTHING’S FINE”
I yell back
beginning to stomp out the
smoldering pile with my
bare feet making such a
ruckus that I don’t hear her
coming down the hall
“GOD! YOU’RE BURNING MY PANTIES!”
“YEAH, that’s what I MEANT to do!”
(she hears that one
from me more
than she should)
and she stands there with mouth agape
and I sit on the edge of a chair
wincing
Maggie rushes over:
“ohhhhh you burned your feet!”
“shit I’m sorry…”
“that you burned your feet?”
“yeeeeeah…”
her scowl eases and
she starts laughing
throws her delicious
hips in my lap
puts an arm around me
then jumps
straight up and
falls flat on her ass
as the smoke detector goes off