by Dirk Michener
I have been experiencing excruciating stomach pains. Remember that guy Kurt Cobain? My life is exactly like his. I have a daughter named Courtney Love that I adopted from a Korean couple. My wife is a professional basketball player. I sit around the house playing keyboards in the laundry room. It is the only room in the house I feel comfortable playing keyboards. Courtney Love is in boarding school in Connecticut. My wife is at basketball training camp. There’s nobody home but me. I do all the cooking myself. Homemade Hot Pockets and Spaghetti-O casserole. I went to culinary school in Tours, France. Cooking for one isn’t easy. When my wife and Courtney Love come home for Christmas all they want is rice and fish and a little bit of seaweed. They are both very active and healthy. I, on the other hand am lazy and thoughtless. Sometimes I go to raves and dance for hours, drinking water with a serious look on my face. I massage my wife’s calves in preparation for “The Big Game”. She has a professional who is supposed to do this but she lets me do it sometimes when I ask. Her calves are like baby mahi-mahi.
I mail Courtney Love a pumpkin cheesecake every few weeks and she texts me things like “tx dad got cke ulk plz lv u 2 dy ldl”. I read her texts and turn my phone to silent. The Dr. said I need to do everything in order to understand what’s going on here. I told the Dr. I had no insurance and he told me that nobody did. I said “that’s a relief” and he smiled and showed me out.
0 thoughts on “The 90’s”
I gotta love this pumpkin cheesecake slice of life! So many of us got our ‘artistic bearings’ during the 90’s that it’s nice to go back and visit (or remember) occasionally. I’m gonna go put my flannel on now. lol. Thanks for sharing this flash fiction, man. I got more than a chuckle from the wackiness thruout the piece.