by David Macpherson
I got my big break with a job from Freedom Tax Return. They dressed me as the Liberty Bell and I stood at the edge of the street and waved to passing cars.
Couple weeks on, a guy asked me to work for his tax return shop for two bucks more an hour. So I left my liberty bell and wore something to make me look like an eagle. The place was Hawk Taxes. They didn’t have a hawk costume. I suppose one bird suit is as good as any other.
With just a couple weeks left to tax day, I got recruited to work for Unity Tax. They gave me three more bucks an hour and a rainbow costume.
After tax season, some guy told me I was the highest paid costumed greeter in the area. That when I worked, business was through the roof. When I was not out there waving at the crowds, no one stopped and came through the door. It was me. I was the hard sell. I was the deciding factor.
Next, I worked at a Mexican restaurant dressed as a taco and then as a burrito on alternating days.
Later on, my newest employer blinged me up with a bunch of fake gold chains and rings when I stood in front of a cash for gold joint. Folks streamed in with plastic grocery bags filled with stuff to pawn away.
Working that spot one day, a guy came up to me and told me he represented the cash for gold shop down the block. He didn’t offer me a job. He offered me a glimpse of the gun pushed in pants and said my services were no longer necessary. That was fine salesmanship and I left for the safer shores of corporate liquidation.
That’s where I stood with a big sign on the breakdown lane of the highway getting drivers to check out the Everything Must Go sale of the latest never-fail big box store to go bell up. The liquidators would first mark up all prices sixty percent so that the 40 percent discounts didn’t amount to nothing. Even I couldn’t help business there, and I moved on.
My reputation allows me a variety of job opportunities. I have waved my hand in front of travel agencies, off track betting sites and every kind of ethnic flavored burger joint. I have seen more grand openings then I can count.
Don’t ask why I have the gift. That’s why it’s a gift. It’s just me in front of shop, waving like I just don’t care, because I don’t. Businesses know me by name. Just ask any storefront start-up, they all know how to find me.
I am booked solid everyday of the week. Even on Sundays, like now. Which reminds me, it’s almost nine in the morning and I got to be at my new gig. That’s why I am dressed like this. Every work uniform has its pros and cons. I like the open sandals and the cool white robe they have me wearing, but this crown of thorns is going to be the death of me. But it’s work. It’s a job. And business is booming. It always is.