Space in my Head

Space in my Head
by JL Freed

Hey. So, I guess you’re with Brian, or you’re not picking up ’cause you’re still annoyed about how weird I’ve been. Look, I didn’t want to leave this in a message, but I’m flying soon, so I can’t call again for a while. I tried to tell you over Thanksgiving. I’m so sorry, Katie.

I don’t even know how this happened. Must’ve been that night, like I started to tell you. The time in October, and those flashes in the trees. That’s what I was trying to tell you, but then Amy came over and you laughed and told her I’d been acting so messed up the whole Thanksgiving break. You laughed at me, Katie. I couldn’t bring myself to try telling you again after that. My head’s been killing and I couldn’t deal with you judging me. Calling me crazy. I’m not my brother.

I haven’t told anyone, not even my parents. If I decide to keep it, then I’d be showing by the time I came home for your wedding. Everyone would see this freaky bump growing out of my skull, and I can’t do that to my parents. I can’t. They don’t need to be shocked into it, and embarrassed, especially not with everything else they’re going through with my brother. I wish I could be your maid of honor, Katie. I want to be there for you, but I have to stay away. For my parents. And so I’ll be able to think. I just need to clear my head.

Oh Katie, what should I do? There’s this plant I’ve heard about. I can make a poultice of the leaves, put them right on my head, where the lump is starting. If I do that, it’s over, that’s what I’ve heard. Then no one besides you has to know this ever happened, and I get to stay out there, just keep on studying like I am now. I love it out there – the sky, you should see the sky there! But if I keep it, eventually I’d have to fly back home again – no way I’d be able to handle this on my own forever. So suppose I come back home, break it to my parents gently, but they can’t deal with this on top of my brother and his meds and all? But, I mean, how can I not want something like this? This has to be the first, you know? The opportunity! I mean, of course there’s my mother instinct, but the science freak in me, too. Like when we were kids, how I’d watch Star Trek re-runs? Well, here it is! Finally, like Spock, half-and-half. And growing inside
me! Me!

Listen to me, babbling away. But it’s helped, you know? I feel like I’ve vented, and now I’ve got space in my head to start feeling excited. It’s ’cause you’re my oldest friend, and I trust you. I want you to know that. Thank you for that, Katie. I’m sorry about your wedding, and I – Wait, they’re nearly done boarding. I really have to go now. Call you in a month or so – The ship’s gonna fly any minute.