Wedding Proposal Announcement

Wedding Proposal Announcement
by Dirk Michener

Dear Girls,

All of you need to get married to me immediately
The wedding will be a huge wedding
Heavily catered and with much ornamentation all over the place
In an enormous cathedral
Probably the Chartres cathedral in France or maybe the Vatican
The reception will also be huge, no expense will be spared
Only the finest of booze (ie, Cristal)
All arranged by the wedding planner
The wedding planner from that movie, “The Wedding Planner”
You know, J. Lo
Then I will marry her too
As well as all the other wedding planners I will marry
Every woman will be my bride
We will live in Texas
In the cities of Port Arthur, Port Oranzas, Bridge City,
South Padres Island, Corpus Christi, East Houston and
Parts of College Station
All the residence living there now will be moved Colorado
To the cities of Vail, Red River, Taos, Winter Park, East Boulder
And Miner’s Creek
After the honeymoon I will spend 2-3 hours with each of you
Over the course of the next 30 to 40 years
There is a small chance I may not get around to meeting all of you
So I’ve taken the liberty of producing an elaborate 3 hour video
Detailing my personal life
There are special effects in this video done by Tom Savini
Best known for his work in horror films of the 70’s and 80’s
My personal favorite is “Dawn of the Dead”
This is all explained in the forementioned video
Elaborate loans from foreign banks have been made
To fund this mass marriage
This debt will be taken care of by a series of made-for-television
Movies about the life of William Carlos Williams
Which will be sold to Blockbuster Entertainment
The lawyers will handle the rest
If I am unavailable to answer queries or personal issues
That you may have from time to time, there will be an answering
Service instruced by me, personally, to deal with your issue
In a fasion which I would most likely reply
There will be no prenuptial agreements
If any of you desire a divorce I will make it my first order of business
To see you in person and attempt to understand your point of view
I am most certain this whole arrangement will be completely and totally
Successful and I have the utmost faith that together we can overcome
Any obstacle that would interfere with our undying love for each other.