It’s Best to Ask

It’s Best to Ask
by Dirk Michener

Maybe when you play yr phonograph
the needle slashes across the record

Maybe when yr walking to the bathroom
yr breathing becomes heavy and labored

Maybe when yr sitting at the
breakfast table yr orange
rolls off and down the hall

Maybe you wake up with a headache
after each reoccurring dream about
hot-air balloon accidents

Maybe yr refrigerator falls over

Maybe everything nailed to the wall
looks crooked

Or yr right arm gets tired faster
when yr facing south in yr living room

Or you randomly fall over
only when inside yr house

or the carpet makes cracking sounds
like glass under yr feet

Or every door in yr house
never stays shut

Or yr plants all lean
to the left

Ask yr wife
ask yr kids
ask yr ma and pa
ask a cop
ask the neighbors
ask yr drinkin buddy
ask a stranger
ask a priest
ask a mechanic
ask a lawyer
ask jesus
ask a doctor
ask mohammed
ask the ghost of walt whitman
ask ronald reagan
ask dr. laura
ask dr. doom
ask an octopus
ask a one dollar bill
ask yr air conditioner
ask yr hair conditioner
ask buddah
ask the movie “bullworth”
ask 5 pounds of ground chuck
ask the local jack-in-the-box
ask yr local cable dealer
ask jessie helms
ask jasper johns
ask the ghost of jackson brown
ask a patch of strawberries
ask krisna
hail a taxi
write a letter to the editor
unscrew a lightbulb
turn up the television
dig a hole
stop taking showers
plant white roses
only drink thru green straws
install peep holes in yr car door
drink paint
join the navy
chase butterflies
chase-manhatten bank
charles in charge
char-grilled hamburgers
charge of the light brigade
champions of the universe
chimpanzees asshole
chimera and gamera
gamma radiation
game-boy pocket
riverboat gamblers
gallons of liquid LSD
galvanized steel
gavin mcCleod
garbage eaters anonymous
garrish local tavern
Tevia from fiddler
the talmud
talisman of okbethos
tables made of wax
tapering pant legs
tape recordings of car-crashes
ten times ten
tennis racket rape
alfred lord tennyson
our fathers who art in heaven
either way
its best to ask.

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